


Welcome Respite

by Cranberrytaboo



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Drabble, First Meetings, Gen, Gordon is a trickster, M/M, a lunch date, and its adorable, does this count as Meet Cute? I don't actually fully know what that means, gordon deals with power harassment, pick-me-up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:41:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cranberrytaboo/pseuds/Cranberrytaboo
Summary: Barney Calhoun meets the man of his dreams and has a lot of feelings about it.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman, Freehoun, Fuck it ill tag it its its own entity now
Comments: 23
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I know that by now the first meeting freehoun fics have been done so much and probably way better than this, but I've been sitting on this one for a while and it makes me very happy to write. It's more for my comfort than anything.

Barney Calhoun had been working at Black Mesa for several years. 

He'd barely graduated high school, and gave up on college about as soon as he got there. It wasn't that he didn't understand what was going on, he just didn't really care. What was the point of all the lectures, all the sitting still and writing notes about things he just didn't give a shit about?

Instead, he sent his resume out to pretty much anyone who was open. He got a handful of responses back, but only one had stuck out to him. Black Mesa. He'd never heard of them before, but he'd be provided on-site housing, and they had dental, so he decided to go for it. 

He'd never worked security detail before, his only previous gig being a brief stint at a local shopping mall as a teenager, selling overpriced hot dogs and Orange Julius to people who didn't even look him in the eyes as he took their orders. He enjoyed the change of pace, and the more athletic nature of his new position suited him, he thought. 

More importantly, he got to walk around the facility and observe some of the wildest people he'd ever met in his entire life. 

Yes, so many of the scientists and researchers at the facility were obnoxiously egg-headed and too arrogant to be worth talking to, but watching them was always a treat. He could hardly wrap his head around some of the experiments they were conducting, but he always got to see something new. He couldn't quite figure out what all the crystals were supposed to do, and the scientists kept their explanations so wrapped up in jargon that it was inaccessible to pretty much anyone from outside, but it was still entertaining to watch them work.

Not _all_ of the researchers were too painful to talk to, either, and he ended up meeting a real cast of characters. He learned that many of the scientists at Black Mesa were paranoid, some almost jealously possessive of their own work. They would tuck papers into their desks and click out of their document screens when someone from a different department entered the room. Barney had never expected the realm of science to be so cutthroat. 

He got on well with his fellow security officers, too. He'd had a distrust of authority-type figures since he was a kid, but honestly, Black Mesa Security acted less like mall cops and more like a handyman crew, palling around with the scientists and fixing electrical problems, things like that. 

Out of everyone, his favorite scientist was Isaac Kleiner. Kleiner was eccentric, and all over the place, and very forgetful, but there was something endearing about the old man's friendly tone every time he had to ask for help getting into his office. The geezer was down to earth, too. Some of the scientists around had huge egos, but Kleiner was never particularly self-important. He half expected Isaac to slip him like, a chic-o-stix, or something. 

At least, Kleiner _was_ his favorite scientist. He hadn't expected that to change. Then, the newbie came along. 

Barney was patrolling AnMat on his usual routine, walking slow in an attempt to burn away the minutes until his lunch break. He stopped along the way to eavesdrop on a pair of scientists appearing to have a heated discussion, granted, the discussion seemed to be mostly one-way.

"Freeman, I don't think I should have to remind you that you're not a student anymore. The samples are not to be handled so haphazardly. This isn't a classroom, I understand that you're curious but they aren't here for you to ogle at. The samples are far too precious to be mishandled, and if I catch you trying to pick one of them up without proper precautions again, I _do_ reserve the right to smack your hand away." The older scientist of the pair folded his arms and frowned, wrinkled features crinkling as his expression soured. 

The other scientist, a young-looking man Barney assumed was Freeman, stayed quiet. His expression didn't betray much, and Barney wondered what might be going through Freeman's mind. He certainly wasn't speaking it. 

"Do I make myself clear, Freeman?" The scientist's grating, _I'm-your-superior_ tone was making Barney want to punch him _for_ Freeman's sake. 

Freeman simply nodded, glasses flashing as they reflected the overhead lights. 

"Good." The old coot huffed, seemingly satisfied with his scolding. The both of them turned, and seemed surprised to see Barney standing there. "Oh, Officer Calhoun. Can I help you?" 

"Uh?" Barney glanced between them. "Nope, just doing my rounds. Didn't mean to catch a second-hand earful." The jab was subtle enough to evade the older scientist, which Barney had expected and hoped for. The new guy had caught it, though, and Barney swore he saw his lips quirk up. 

The older scientist began to walk away, and the new guy moved to follow him out the door. As he passed by Barney, he _definitely_ smiled, just a little bit. Barney was just able to make out the corners of his mouth twitching behind his goatee. He didn't understand why that alone made him feel sort of giddy.

Barney decided to make a point of spending more time around the new guy, wanting desperately to figure out what made him tick. There was always something so compelling about the silent types, anyway. And boy, was this man silent. Barney didn't think he so much as breathed too loud. Added to the way he seemed to walk on the balls of his feet, rolling them with each step, and he moved practically soundlessly throughout Black Mesa. Barney himself had been treated to multiple scenes of other scientists being startled by the sudden realization of Freeman's presence. 

It was with slight disappointment that Barney witnessed Freeman start knocking on desks, doors, or other surfaces to alert others to his presence to keep from startling them.

He quickly learned that the junior researcher's full name was Gordon Freeman. The other scientists in the facility seemed to rarely call him by his title. Barney supposed it was because they were all older and felt superior to the poor guy. He knew how entitled old bastards with an education could get. 

Gordon always carried a notepad and several pens with him. He communicated through sign language (Barney made a mental note to start learning right away) but only a select few understood it. For the others he relied on writing notes on his pad, or using gestures. He seemed to prefer when he could use a computer to type out his discussions, as it went faster, and he often had a lot to say. 

Apparently, Gordon was about Barney's age, which went a long way in explaining why the other scientists were so stuffy around him. He'd heard some of the senior researchers bring up Gordon's MIT education and, remembering that Kleiner had come from the same institution, decided to ask the old man about it. 

"Of course I know Gordon, I was his thesis advisor." Kleiner's eyes shone behind his glasses. It seemed he held no small measure of pride. "I transferred to Black Mesa, and once I heard they were hiring again, I wrote a glowing recommendation for him. He was one of the brightest students I had the pleasure to work with, and I wanted to bring him to the team here." 

Barney was a little surprised that Gordon and Kleiner had such a deep relationship. Life worked in funny ways like that. "Well, you could probably stand to write some recommendations for him to the other scientists around here, they're treating him like a glorified pack mule at best--" 

As if on cue, Gordon came bursting into Kleiner's office, panting and more than slightly disheveled, holding a stack of papers that shifted haphazardly in his arms. Barney thought offhandedly about speaking about the devil until he appeared. Still breathing kind of hard, Gordon dropped the papers onto Kleiner's desk, frantically shuffling them tidy. 

He then stood upright and began signing. Barney couldn't make out much of it, but he noticed the doctor frequently circling his fist around his own chest. _Sorry..._

Kleiner raised his own hands placatingly, gently motioning. "Now now, Gordon. You don't have to apologize. I know you have a lot on your plate. You got these documents to me with plenty of time to spare." Gordon relaxed visibly at that. "You look a mess, though. Did the other researchers put you up to something?" 

Gordon began signing again. Barney could barely make out the fingerspelling of a name, but the rest was lost to him. He cursed internally. He'd have to work harder. 

"I see... Dr. Lowe asked you to do some heavy lifting for him?" As Isaac spoke, Barney had to suppress a snort. Gordon wasn't weak-looking, necessarily. He was in decent shape. However, his height and his frame gave him a lanky, spindly appearance that wasn't aided by the thick-lensed glasses adorning his face. Asking Dr. Freeman to do 'heavy lifting' seemed comical. 

After a pause, Gordon glanced over to Barney, blinking in surprise, as if he hadn't noticed the guard in his rush. He waved, smiling without showing any teeth. 

"Hey, Doc." Barney smiled at his own choice of nickname. It suited Gordon, and besides, he didn't miss the way the scientist lit up briefly at the idea of being called by his title, even in a truncated form. 

Gordon began to sign towards Barney, then paused before reaching for his notebook. His hand hovered towards a pen, then instead began flipping through the notepad's pages, landing on one page that had several sentences scrawled over it. Barney leaned in to see what sentence Gordon was pointing to.

"What's my name? Oh, shit. I never really introduced myself, huh? It's Barney. You can call me Barney, or Officer Calhoun, or Barns if you absolutely have to, but I'd prefer ya didn't." It was a weak joke, but Barney was happy to see Gordon smile at it, even if it were out of pity. 

Seeming satisfied, Gordon finally pulled a pen from his pocket and scribbled something in the corner of his notebook. Barney managed to glance at it, seeing his own name written down in small lettering. He imagined that it was so that Gordon wouldn't forget, and found the notion somehow endearing. 

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you properly, Doc. I`ll be seeing you around, so I`ll make sure to say hi." As Barney spoke, Gordon gave a warm, genuine smile. Barney could feel his face heat up a little, but chose to ignore the sensation. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney and Gordon meet up for lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to continue this fic from the get-go. It's easy-going, and has been helpful for me between more serious writing.

Barney was thrilled to have someone around his own age to interact with. The scientists were fine and all, but they didn't have much common ground with a man in his twenties. The security team tended closer to Barney's age range, and that was fortunate. Regardless, a young face among the researchers was a refreshing change of pace. 

It seemed that Gordon harbored similar feelings. Each time their eyes met in the hall, no matter how many times they'd already greeted each other, Gordon would offer an eager smile and wave, which Barney would obviously reciprocate. 

On one such instance, Barney mustered the energy to actually initiate a conversation. "Hey Doc. Where are you taking lunch?"

Gordon paused, then pointed towards where the outdoor terrace was. Barney nodded.

"You wanna eat together? We don't really have a lot of down time to talk during work hours." 

The response was an emphatic nod and a bright smile. Barney grinned. "Great. I look forward to it."

The rest of the first half of Barney's shift seemed to drag on like molasses, and he found himself checking the clock far too often. He couldn't help but be excited, albeit a little anxious. After the fifteenth glance towards his wristwatch, he shook his head roughly. It wasn't like they were going on a date or anything, so why was he acting so antsy?

Just as he was passing the security booth, the clock struck twelve, and he clambered onto the monorail as quickly as his legs would take him. His heart pounded in his chest, a little too emphatically, and he scolded himself internally. _Will you calm down?_

Gordon was already at the terrace by the time Barney arrived, sitting patiently on a bench and fidgeting his fingers against his knee. Barney entertained the notion of trying to sneak up on the young scientist, but Gordon caught on way too quickly, snapping his head in that direction and staring Barney down with bright green eyes. After a pause, a smirk flitted across Gordon's face, clearly amused that he'd caught Barney in the act. 

"You're sharp, huh?" Barney sighed. "Figures. I could never really pass it as a stealth operative." He looked down at his boots for a moment, as if damning them for getting him caught. "Well, what are you feeling like eating? My treat." 

Immediately, Gordon reacted, lifting his hands to his chest and waving them palms-out, a universal sign for _no, no!_ He seemed highly flustered at the suggestion. Barney chuckled.

"Doc, it's fiiine. I offered, didn't I?" He paused, then pulled out his wallet, making sure he actually _had_ the means on hand to do so. Fingering over a couple of tens, he sighed with relief. "I mean it. Lemme get it for you." 

Gordon's shoulders were tense, as if he were uncomfortable with the suggestion, and Barney felt instantly guilty. He was just about to offer to back down when Gordon hesitantly nodded.

Black Mesa's cafeterias were pretty basic in the way of choices, but the menu was sufficient, and both men ordered what they wanted without too much trouble. They chose a table a bit separated from the bulk, and sat across from one another. 

Suddenly, Barney felt a bit out of his element. What should he talk about first, or ask first? It was their first time really getting to talk to one another, but as he watched Gordon take a bite of his own sandwich, he found himself blanking. Why was he clamming up like this? 

It seemed that Gordon keyed in on the discomfort, and he set his food down to take out his notepad, scrawling something quickly into the margins before setting it in front of Barney, lightly shaking his wrist as he pulled his hands back. Apparently he'd been writing a lot that morning. _What do you do here at Black Mesa?_

Barney smiled a little. "Uh, well, nothing nearly as important as you lot, I'm sure. Security detail means we're supposed to keep everyone safe, including responding to injury calls, things of the like, but honestly, we're a little more like handymen. We do a lot of electrical work, fixing minor mechanical issues, stuff like that." 

Gordon looked to be paying close attention to Barney's words. He shook his head slightly, then pointed at Barney a little firmly. 

"Oh, me specifically?" Barney laughed. Of course Gordon would know what he did for work, he worked at the same place, he probably saw tons of different security officers around the facility. He felt a little embarrassed. "Well, when I'm not on call, I just do my rounds wherever I'm placed... If I'm being completely honest, I probably goof around more than I should." He winked. "You know, palling around with Kleiner, or the other guards, taking my sweet-ass time on my contract-ensured breaks." 

At that, Gordon's eyes crinkled, and his shoulders shook a bit as he laughed. Barney blinked. Even Gordon's laughter was mostly silent, more air than anything. He wondered whether Gordon was just that quiet, or if it hadn't actually been that funny. 

Barney took a bite of his pizza and waited for Gordon to respond, barely able to hear the scratch of pen on paper over the ambient noise of the terrace, sky above, river far below. Finally, Gordon slid the notepad back over. _Sounds fun. I don't get too many breaks, I usually get pulled into doing something for someone. Why did you come to work here?_

Raising a brow, Barney hummed thoughtfully. "Well, the pay's fine, and I get a place to stay, plus dental." He couldn't help but guess as to whether Gordon was really that interested in his story, or if the scientist was just being polite, so he decided to throw something more exciting out. "Besides, it's a high-tech science facility in the middle of New Mexico. Who knows what crazy shit I might get to see out here?" 

Gordon tilted his head for clarification. 

"Well... I mean." Barney cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. "Do you believe in aliens?" 

At that, Gordon snorted, and Barney felt his face flush bright. Dammit, why'd he have to bring that up? He felt humiliated. Perhaps noticing the dour expression on Barney's face, Gordon shook his head vigorously, waving his hands before frantically scribbling in his notepad. 

_No no no, that's not it._ He flashed the message, giving Barney a moment to calm down before writing more. _I mean, it just took me off guard. To answer, the universe is so unknowably vast, that yes, there's more likely than not life out there._ He paused again, letting Barney take in the information. Barney's shoulders noticeably settled. _Though, I doubt they look like the little grey alien stereotype._

Relieved, Barney laughed himself. "I mean, maybe, doc. Who knows? Maybe some of them do." Feeling more comfortable now, he took a drink of his soda. It was kind of watery, today, but he didn't mind. More importantly, he was just grateful that Gordon didn't call him a lunatic and leave his sorry ass sitting alone. "I have a book I could lend you sometime about it." 

Gordon started to write his response, but Barney held up a hand. "Doc, you should try signing with me some. It hasn't been that long, but I've been studying, you know? I already knew a few things since it's good to be able to communicate silently when you're on a security team, but I'm picking it up fast, I'd reckon." He smiled. "I can spell my name out now, see?" So saying, he finger-spelled his name for Gordon to watch.

Seeing this, Gordon's expression lit up. Barney felt like he needed sunglasses, especially against those bright eyes. The scientist lifted his own hands. _Good job!_

"Aww, you'll make me blush. What can I say? When I set my mind to something, I will be dogged about it." Barney hesitated. "It just sometimes takes a lot for me to set my mind to something." 

This time, Gordon laughed more audibly, and Barney felt his chest swell with pride. He took his pad up again. Barney figured that Gordon assumed he didn't know _that_ much, which was admittedly true. Still, he was looking forward to practicing. _It seems like a hassle for you, to have to learn a new language just to talk to one guy._

Barney grinned. "Nah, it's not that big of a deal. It's about time I started to take some kind of studying seriously." He hummed. "Besides, I'd learn Latin if it meant you had an easier time communicating with someone here." 

Gordon's shoulders hunched briefly, then he beamed, clearly touched by the notion. Barney stared just a few moments too long at the warm expression adorning the physicist's face. Gordon seemed to fluster under Barney's gaze, and looked around, glancing at his watch, then starting. He quickly scrawled onto his notepad. _I'm gonna be late for a meeting! I'm sorry. I have to go. Thank you for lunch!!_ Before Barney could answer, Gordon was already out of his seat, gathering his garbage to throw it away. 

"Talk to you later, doc!" Barney called after him, watching him leave and resting his jaw against his hand. Maybe it was about time for him to head back to work too. but he was sure there wasn't any harm in sitting and soaking in the heat of the sun for a moment longer. He basked, cheeks glowing with a different kind of warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter felt really cute. I've actually had it mostly written for a while now, I just wanted to spend a little more time fine-tuning it. I love these sappy lads... <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barney gets even more endeared, and invites Gordon out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes this chapter is on the heels of the other but the inspiration came to me quick.

The weeks moved forward, and Barney was learning many things very quickly. Thanks to his determination, he'd picked up on sign language pretty quickly, and was more and more able to talk to Gordon without the aid of a memo pad. He felt particularly happy with himself for that one. It helped that Gordon was willing to either write out or fingerspell things that he'd missed. 

What came as more of a surprise for Barney was Gordon's impish streak. On first meetings, he seemed the picture of politeness, if a bit closed-off and slightly awkward, but the more he got to know about Gordon, the more he realized how sly and vindictive the physicist could be. 

He first noticed it when he witnessed Gordon quietly picking up some chemical samples and placing them slightly out of sight on a different desk. After he seemed satisfied, the physicist returned to his own desk and continued working as if nothing had happened. The victim of the prank, an old goat named Dr. Lane, hunted the samples down for about half an hour, growing increasingly frustrated and running his hands through his hair in irritation before finally addressing Gordon himself. When asked, Gordon calmly pointed them out like he had nothing to do with it. 

When Barney asked about it later, Gordon seemed to be a little bit defensive. _He's always getting on my case..._ He exhaled. _Just before I did it, he was chewing me out for something out of my control. I just wanted to play around a little._

It was a recurring pattern, and Barney quickly picked up on it. Any scientist who treated Gordon badly or talked down to him was fair game for the young doctor's fairy-like tricks. Some uppity old coot shouted at him for trivial nonsense? He would play catch with a nearby security guard using a can of soda as a ball, then nonchalantly leave the can on that scientist's desk for them to enjoy, eyes gleaming mischievously as the carbonated beverage sprayed everywhere. Someone physically pulls him from his chair to get to the computer he was using for work? That person would later find their belongings covered in post-it notes. 

By and large, Barney loved watching these goings-on. It delighted him to no end to see that even someone who seemed as sweet as Gordon did had a trickster streak. He watched, charmed, as Gordon calmly walked past Dr. Horn at lunch break one day, nabbing a slice of the man's pizza without being noticed at all before approaching, offering his trophy over. _Hungry?  
_

"Nah, thanks doc, but I already ate. Enjoy that, you earned it." Barney could tell he was grinning ear to ear. His cheeks hurt, but how could he not encourage Gordon for his behavior? It was very funny. Besides, he'd been feeling sour towards Horn ever since the doctor had implied a less than honest nature amongst his cohort. 

Gordon shrugged, chewing on the slice thoughtfully. Barney had to focus to not let himself stare too long at his friend's mouth. 

As it turned out, though, Gordon's handful of dissenters at Black Mesa were not the only targets for his games. He also played tricks on the people he was close to. like Dr. Kleiner, but the pranks were much kinder in nature. For instance, he replaced all of the pens in Kleiner's desk with flowers for the man's birthday. A sweet gesture, of course, but Isaac did eventually have to ask Gordon for his pens back. The younger scientist happily obliged. 

He'd also messed with Dr. Vance a little, but less noticeably, perhaps because they weren't as close as he was with Dr. Kleiner. After all, Barney was fairly certain they'd met at Black Mesa, just like he and Gordon had. 

On one particularly slow day at work, Barney paced his allotted route for hours, boredom and exhaustion seeping into his bones. Standing at this or that post, he found himself spacing out, barely aware when another guard would come by to relieve him. However, he did notice that some of the others were flashing him knowing smirks. Immediately, alarm bells went off in his head. Was he due a chewing-out, or something? Sure, he'd been late to work a few times lately, and hungover more times than he cared to admit, but the same could be said of most of them, right? 

Once his shift ended, he nervously made his way to the lockers, expecting his supervisor to be standing in front of his locker with arms crossed, but no such thing happened. Heaving a sigh of relief, he opened his locker to stow his vest, only to be bombarded by a cascade of multicolored balloons. In the back of the locker was a sticky note with a message written in familiar handwriting. 

_Gotcha :)  
_

Realization hit Barney like a blow to the gut, but in a nice way, as if he'd been tackled by a large, friendly dog. It took everything he had not to make a strangled noise of joy, and he quickly left the locker room before anyone could ask him why he was squirming like a lovesick schoolboy. His walk turned to a light jog. He _had_ to find the culprit.

He found his target in a breakroom near Kleiner's office in AnMat, drinking a sports drink and looking tired, but content. The second their eyes met, Gordon grinned wide, setting his bottle down to address Barney. _Like your present?_

Barney sat eagerly beside Gordon at the table. "Yeah I did, it was great, but... How'd you get let in?" 

At that, Gordon winked, looking pleased with himself. _I'm not popular among the scientists, but your friends seem to really like me. I was let in when I explained my plan._

Barney listened on, not really paying attention to the expression he was making, but it must have been an interesting one, because Gordon tilted his head curiously, sly grin still on his face. _What's up? Any thoughts?_

"Oh, well, I have a few." Barney chuckled. "First of all, thank you for the balloons, they were very pretty. Second, you could probably charm anyone to let you anywhere with a smile like that." Satisfied by the way Gordon flustered at the comment, Barney continued. "Third, I'm flattered that you like me enough to play a trick like that on me. Unless, you're upset with me, and that's why you did it?" 

Gordon looked surprised, and waved his hands in abject denial. Barney chuckled. "Just kiddin, Gordon. It was a fair play. Just wait till I get you back for it." 

On hearing that, Gordon's expression warmed. The two of them sat in comfortable silence for a while, Barney still humming in amusement from time to time. Finally, he clapped his hands together.

"You know, sometimes me and the other guards will get together after work for drinks and cards. You know, just hang out. If they like you as much as you say, I'm sure they wouldn't mind me inviting you to join." 

Gordon tilted his head, then smiled, nodding. _That sounds like fun, I'd like that._

"Alright!" Barney spoke a little too enthusiastically. "Then it's settled. I'll find out when we're meeting next and ask if you can come along. Sound good?" Gordon nodded, and Barney's heart skipped a beat. After a few more minutes, Gordon said his goodbyes and headed for the tram station. Barney sighed. 

Oh god, how far was he going to fall?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAA i like this chapter so much... gordon being a little shit... yes...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon has a problem at work, and Barney resolves to soothe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is 100% a vent chapter.

Fairly immediately, Barney asked his buddies on the security team when they would be playing cards again, and asked if Gordon could tag along. It seemed as thought the physicist had been telling the truth, because at the mention of his name, several faces lit up, and they seemed more than comfortable with the idea. One of them, a younger fellow named Slater, nudged Barney playfully. "Maybe we can all tell him embarrassing stories about you." Barney swatted at him without any real power behind it. 

With a general idea of a schedule in mind, Barney resolved to talk to Gordon about it the next day. However, it just so happened that Gordon had showed up late for work. Barney was surprised when he'd heard that from Kleiner. Gordon had always struck him as the kind of person who would loathe being late for anything. He must be a very heavy sleeper. 

Eventually, word reached him that Gordon showed up and was immediately whisked to work, so he didn't have any time to chat. Barney decided it could wait until after work, anyway. It wasn't that time-sensitive. He spent his day doing his usual duties and waited for Gordon outside the lab complex after work. 

As it grew later, though, Barney started to wonder what was taking Gordon so long. Was what he was working on that important? He felt a bit remorseful. Well, it could probably wait until tomorrow...

Just as he was starting to head for the tram system, a door opened and out came Gordon, but something was off. Gordon was wearing an expression Barney had never seen him wear before. His cheeks were flushed a bright red, and his gaze was hard and stony, eyes staring directly forward without so much as a glance to the side. So affixed, the doctor didn't seem to notice Barney, nor anyone else as he strode past, walking faster and with more purpose than Barney had ever seen him go. As Gordon passed, Barney could have sworn he could make out a peculiar wet shine to the other man's eyes. 

As much as his gut told him to go to Gordon and comfort him, Barney couldn't even begin to think of what to say to him, and by the time he'd collected himself, Gordon was already long gone from the area. With an uneasy feeling in his gut, Barney made his way to the trams, already regretting not asking Gordon what was going on. He found himself rueing the inaction all the way back home, and even as he got himself ready for bed. 

_You idiot. Gordon probably needed support, and you sat with your mouth gaping like a dead fish_. Smacking his face a little too hard as he shaved, Barney laid down that night and tossed and turned with remorse. What kind of friend was he? He tried to rationalize with himself that Gordon probably wanted space, with how fast he was walking, but the image of the scientist's eyes glistening and glaring into middle space was haunting him. What could have possibly happened?

He would find out the next day at work. He milled around the front desk at AnMat for as long as he could get away with, waiting to see if he could catch Gordon before one of his superiors found him out. When Gordon finally arrived, He still had a very hard expression, like something was frustrating him. As he turned to look at something, Barney noticed something new was off-- his ponytail was gone. 

It didn't take much to put two and two together- Gordon had probably gotten reprimanded for his haircut- but it must have been a serious talking-to for the physicist to look so miserable. Finally plucking up the courage he wished he'd had yesterday, Barney approached, trying to look a suitable blend of casual and concerned. 

"Hey, Doc. What happened? You look pissed." Internally, he winced at his own word choice. He probably could have been more tactful.

Apparently, though, Gordon appreciated the less than serious tone, because his shoulders slackened. For a brief moment, the stony expression was replaced by pain, and Gordon looked like he was on the verge of crying. Barney thought his own heart might shatter. After a pause, Gordon shook his head. _Not here. We'll talk later._

Barney watched on as Gordon inhaled, exhaled, trained his expression, and walked towards the labs, back straight and rigid. Once again feeling unable to do much, he sighed, heading for his own post. He knew he wouldn't get anything out of Gordon now, but he couldn't keep himself from worrying regardless. He was distracted for the entire first half of his shift, and Sisk had caught him a few times spacing out and not guarding much of anything at all. After a playful earful about "romantic trouble," Sisk had graciously left him alone and promised not to tell anyone, so at least there was that. 

Around lunch, Gordon reappeared, looking just as stiff if not more so, jaw clenched tightly. Barney lifted his head to ask him once more what was going on, but a brief headshake silenced him. Instead, he opted to follow Gordon as the scientist briskly paced through the hallways. It was only a little hard to keep up with Gordon without half-jogging. 

In some secluded break room at a less frequented corner of AnMat, Gordon finally stopped and sat down, immediately putting his head in his hands as his elbows rested on the table. Barney was sitting beside him at once, unsurely resting a hand on the other's back. "Gordon..." It felt inappropriate to use nicknames at this point. "What's going on?" 

Slowly sitting up, Gordon wrung his hands together for a moment before answering. The skin on his fingers looked reddened, as though he'd been doing this a lot. _It was so humiliating. The way he talked to me like I'm some stupid child. Condescending bastard._

"Hey... Take it from the top, okay?" The hand on Gordon's back shifted up and down, and Barney hoped it was soothing. "What happened yesterday?" 

_The researcher who called me to his office, Haymore? He went on a fucking ego trip yesterday and laid into me for the better part of an hour becuase my ponytail was a personal affront to him. And that's just before he took me around AnMat pointing out every person we came across and asking if they looked "off" to me._ Gordon's teeth clenched. _Oh, he read me the riot act about my "unprofessional" pens, and the doodling I do in my notepads, as well._

Barney's brows raised. He'd never seen Gordon this livid, but honestly, he deserved to be pissed. He was torn between trying to soothe Gordon and encouraging the frustration, but he figured it'd just be best to let Gordon get it out of his system so he could feel better. "Jeez, what'd he say?"

_Well... He kept saying "that's not how we do things, here" and "normally when an intern makes a mistake, they apologize, why aren't you?" Intern?!_ Gordon sat upright and tried to steady his breathing. _He talked about asking the Director what he thought. Can you fucking imagine? The Director?! Over this?!_

Thinking about it, Barney decided that he really couldn't. He didn't know much about the Director, but he was pretty sure any person of that status would be annoyed to be asked about something so trivial. 

_Apparently, he emailed Dr. Kleiner to bitch about me some more._ Gordon's eyes flared. _And today, he has the nerve to come and talk my ear off about "how nice your hair looks" and "how much better this is for Black Mesa's reputation." Who the hell was gonna see me outside of Black Mesa anyway? I fucking live here!_ A strangled noise of frustration forced itself from Gordon's throat, and he dropped his face in his hands again. This time, his shoulders twitched. Barney was alarmed.

"Woah... Hey, come on Gordon..." He took the scientist by either shoulder and squeezed gently, trying to soothe him. Gordon refused to face him, but his hands trembled as he spoke again,

_It was so humiliating. I can't stand being scrutinized like that. It's too much... I wish I could just disappear into the floor._

Barney clicked his tongue pityingly. "Aw, hey, don't say that..." He got the sense that getting Gordon to look him in the eyes right now would be impossible, so he just settled for alternating between rubbing Gordon's arms and patting his back as he spoke. "Who cares what some old has-been thinks about you? I bet you anything he's just frustrated because he hasn't got any real power over anyone, so he's taking it out on someone younger and easier to get at." 

After a moment, Gordon leaned just slightly into the affections, his shoulder nudging against Barney's. Barney wondered for a moment just how much he was allowed to hold Gordon, but figured that the scientist would communicate his boundaries, so just wrapped his arm further around Gordon's back to keep him close. If anything, Gordon seemed even more at ease after that, leaning in more and resting his head against Barney's shoulder. He could hear the occasional sniffle and frustrated hiccup. Any part of his lovestruck heart that would be celebrating how intimate this moment was was being silenced by his brain racing to try to come up with ways to comfort Gordon. 

"Do you wanna go see Kleiner..?" A furious headshake. Clearly the idea mortified him. "Mm... Get something from the food court?" A less emphatic headshake. Getting warmer... "Want me to buy you a muffin from the vending machine?" A pause, and then a nod. Despite himself, Barney smiled a little. 

Slowly and carefully disentangling himself from Gordon, he walked the few steps over to the vending machines and poured over the options. The promised muffin, then a candy bar for good measure. Chocolate and caramel was healing for the soul, after all. Two cups of coffee, one for each, and a snack for himself. He carried the collection back to Gordon and presented it proudly. "Take your pick, Doc." 

For the first time in a while, Gordon looked up. Barney's heart instantly shattered; Gordon's eyes were so reddened, his cheeks all puffy and tearstained. He smiled, though, which put Barney at ease. _Thank you, Barney. Sorry. I'm a real mess right now._

Unable to stop his mouth from opening, Barney blurted out, "It's alright. Besides, red goes good with green." Gordon went quiet for a moment, then cackled, doubling over. The tension dissipated at once. Once again, Barney's heart soared. 

They sat together for a long while after that, eating their snacks and neglecting whatever they'd brought for lunch. It was well deserved and well needed, though, and as they parted ways, albeit reluctantly, Barney felt a little more comfortable. 

"Oh, Gordon!" He called to the physicist's back. "Remind me to ask you when you're free after work, I talked to the guys about poker!" 

Gordon turned long enough to give Barney a reassuring thumbs-up and a wink.

Relaxed, Barney made his way back to work. Gordon might not be all better, but he was happier than he was. Barney couldn't have been more grateful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's that! Basically all of Gordon's feelings are me venting about how shit my week was at work LMFAO. How nice for Gordon though that he has a handsome security guard with a cute beer belly to comfort him. God I wish that were me---
> 
> I do like this look at Gordon having more volatile emotions though. I love stoic Gordon too! This was a fun challenge for me.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't expect writing in Barney's POV to be such a challenge, but it's a fun one! A lot of this fic is just me headcanoning off of throwaway lines both from HL1 and the Black Mesa remake. The other half of it is stream-of-consciousness stuff so it might be a little all over the place. 
> 
> I'd also like to use this space to say I'm on semi-hiatus? I'll be continuing WUWH of course, updates will just be a little slower. I need to focus some time on lighter, easier stuff. This fic isn't designed to be a part of "The Switch" but I guess you could read it as that.


End file.
